Lights

The current time is 3:23 A.M. which means I can very accurately say that I move to London tomorrow. I’m super sleepy but that’s when I normally write best, so I guess we’ll see how this goes.

I do have an announcement that has been a long time in the making: I finished packing. I have so much stuff that I probably don’t need and I have no idea where anything is, but the important thing is that everything is in a suitcase or bag of some sort and I guess I’ll just have to figure it out later.

So, that’s it then. That was the last thing I was worrying about. Now I just have to wait.

I feel weird. I don’t feel totally desensitized to everything like I did before, though. Weird in a different way. I’m feeling lots of things, actually. Little lights keep flashing in my head and sounds keep buzzing but I don’t know what any of them mean and it’s super frustrating. I genuinely can’t tell whether I want to start sobbing or smiling as hard as I can, so I’m kind of just doing neither.

My family is coming over tonight for a little goodbye dinner and then I have one more sleep in my big comfy bed and then my dad and I will leave the house a little after two in the afternoon to go to the airport with our stupidly enormous collection of luggage. We have an hour flight to start, a short layover, then we do the real big eight-hour-or-whatever flight. I just want to be on that plane now. I really love flying. The cool thing about flying is that nobody expects you to do anything except just sit there and stare into space or listen to music or sleep and that’s pretty much what I do most of the time anyways, but in a plane that’s what you’re supposed to do. I just want to shut my mind off because it has been racing a mile a minute for the past few months, so to actually be on the plane and in the quiet knowing that I’m on my way will be a welcome break.

I cleaned my room, too. That helped a lot because whenever my room’s a mess it normally means my head’s a mess so I’m already feeling better, really. 

A lot of my friends that will be going to my uni are already in London and they’ve been putting up pictures of things that remind me why I fell in love with the city in the first place. There is no doubt in my mind I am making the right decision. I know a lot of my rambling can be interpreted as me not really wanting to go, but that is astronomically far from the truth; I want to do this more than anything in the world. I just don’t really know what to do with my emotions sometimes which is why I might sound kind of silly talking about this whole thing.

I’m so excited to see my friends. Most of them I haven’t seen in two years and some of them I haven’t even properly met yet so that makes me really happy to think about. 

I’m starting to feel kind of sick so I’m gonna go to bed I think. This was a really crappy blog post but I sort of just started typing and didn’t stop and I think that’s probably what I needed right now. I’ll probably do one more post before I leave!

Savannah

Countdown: 1 day
Currently listening to: Margot & The Nuclear So and So's - Not Animal