Digits

As it turns out, securing my visa was only the beginning of my problems. I was so worried about getting it that I focused all my nervous energy on that one issue alone, completely ignoring everything else I was going to have to deal with afterwards. Once my visa was settled, for a moment, my stomach butterflies finally took a nap, and my nails, no longer victim to incessant chewing, began to grow back. However, this calm was pathetically short-lived. Only a couple days after I got my visa, I had one of the worst anxiety attacks I’ve ever had, and, as it is most of the time, I’m not really sure why. It was like everything suddenly flooded into my brain all at once—I’m leaving for good, I still don’t know how to do laundry, I’m still not packed, what if I forget something really important, I probably won’t make any friends, what if I'm miserable, what if they don't even let me in the country, so on and so forth. Remember that moment of realization I was talking about earlier? Well, I thought that was that moment, but since then, I’ve gone back to feeling sort of numb towards the entire thing. To be honest, though, I’m happy for it. I’m still trying to make important decisions (these are, of course, including what color towels I should buy and which bedspread do I think really speaks to me), and I’m a bad decision maker normally, so adding yet another layer of anxiety to the mix is definitely unwanted right now.

With all that being said, I still am very much excited. Even though the changes are a lot to take in and are becoming a bit more tangible, that doesn’t at all suggest I’m getting apprehensive about the move! The pros, without a single doubt in my mind, outweigh the cons. They destroy the cons. If you put the pros directly on top of the cons, the cons would become flattened, smushy pancake cons. Also, I typically worry about totally silly and irrational things—I know that I’m not going to be miserable, I have plenty of time to pack, I can always ship something if I forget it, I’ve already made friends, and I’m sure laundry is relatively simple to get the hang of in the grand scheme of things. It’s all just very overwhelming, maybe like jumping headfirst into a pool of cold water; everything’s uncomfortable and fuzzy and shocking at first, but as long as you doggy-paddle around for a bit, you’ll start to feel cozy, and, eventually, will not want to get out. 

On a related note, packing sucks. Not only is it a breeding ground for my indecisiveness (which of these sweaters possesses the perfect balance of comfortable and adorable? How many denim shirts is too many denim shirts?), it’s time consuming. Maybe I’m just being as thorough as possible, but I genuinely spent approximately six hours straight the other day just sorting through things, and I’m really not even close to finished. And that’s just clothes—I still have to think about about all my other little necessities too. Believe me, everyone will know if I somehow find myself in London without a toothbrush, because I will most likely be parading up and down the halls shouting about it.

Anyway, I can honestly say that I’m happy right now. My dad and I booked the hotel we’re going to stay in the first night, friends and I have been making plans for after I get there, and everything’s good! The countdown will officially be in the single digits as of tomorrow, which is a ridiculous thought, because I recall the countdown literally being in the quadruple digits at one point. Everything I’ve ever wanted is happening right now and I’m really trying to take it all in.

Savannah

Countdown: 10 days

Currently listening to: Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Ago